Talia (Ali) (aliporcelain) wrote,
Talia (Ali)

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Dear Jesse James...

Dear Jesse,

You must be using AXE dark chocolate shower gel, (Although you are obviously not using it on your greasy, much in need of "gray be gone" hair.) Smelling like chocolate is about the only reason I can see for all of these umm "Unique" looking women lining up to rock your jock. (Or maybe that's your appeal, a schlong that would make John Holmes hang his head in shame.) However, unless yours shoots candy or beer.... Axe is the only reason that I can fathom for all of these woman wanting you.

Speaking of women who want you..... YOU'RE MARRIED TO SANDRA FREAKING BULLOCK YOU BLIND, DAFT, MORONIC TWIT! She is the hottest, funniest, sexiest, actress bitch out there, and for some unknown reason of the universe, she agreed to marry you! Dude, if I was hittin that shit my ass would never leave the bedroom, much less would I go out and bang "bombshell women" who look like walking advertisments to wrap your in all probability already herpes infected package at all costs.

So dear Jesse, here is my advice to you, crawl on your hands and knees and beg Sandy's forgiveness, (if this is done correctly, she should have you strapped over a bondage board with a wicked whip adorned with metal hook in hand and a giant butt plug up your ass.)

Go get your nasty package tested for STD's! Pull your greasy head out of your tattooed ass and then maybe take a page out of your WIFE'S book or some shit and learn a little bit of the grace and class you were so obviously born without, and if you think it makes you look better, then stay in your "Sex Addiction" treatment. (Because of course you have a disease... you're not just a horny egotist who can't keep his dick out of everything wearing a skirt.)

Do these things, and MAYBE people will regain some shred of respect for the decently creative mechanic you are. Although it's highly doubtful.

The Girl who is proud she
was not one of your tattooed conquests,

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