The World is on Fire.

What the fuck? Did we go meta? Are we suddenly inserts in a Matrix-esque universe and the only way out is a computer program run by bald guy who looks way better in vinyl than I? Jesus fucking Christ on a cracker, guys. I'm exhausted. Anyone else about to lose their shit in a very non "Jesus take the wheel" kind of way? What even has the last three years and eleven months been?


Let's recap.

We (NOT I.) elected an orange malignant narcissistic fuckmuppet to the White House. Yay. Hail to the fucking chief. Orange fuckmuppet proceeds to drop a bomb that explodes into blatant hatred for minorities, buoying hate groups, feeding bootlickers, justifying abuse of authority excusing and abetting brutality through various law enforcement power structures, sanctifies blatant MURDER of peaceful protesters by extremist bawbags and then wraps it all up by absolutely BLOWING any semblance of handling a worldwide pandemic in our country and throws a tantrum on twitter because he lost the election, choosing instead, to refuse to accept the verified results and file lawsuits that no respecting lawyer should ever consider handling. Add that to the various "normal" traumas and hardships I and others have faced this year, and ya'll.... I'm about to lose my religion.

I have never been more ashamed to be an American than I am right now. Never have I seen this level of intensity or tension among the people of this country. It. Is. Fucking. EXHAUSTING. trying to explain to these absolute shit gibbons that YES, EVERY HUMAN BEING deserves human rights just by virtue of being born. That NO. You don't get a say in what that woman over there does with her body. YES, EVERYONE deserves excellent healthcare regardless of their ability to pay. YES trans people people. NO your religion doesn't get to dictate my next move or anyone else's.


This and That.

You know what pisses me off? Uppity bitches who think they're better than everyone else because they have money. I hate to tell you this, but money does NOT buy class, empathy, or respect. There are things you will learn when struggling that can't be bought. When you grow up with less than everyone else, you appreciate everything so MUCH more.

My parents struggled and there were weeks we ate beans and cornbread because that's all we could afford. My poor mom came home bone tired from being on her feet twelve hours a day as a nurse and my dad spend months on the road driving a truck so that I could have a few new school clothes in the fall. I never had name brands, but I didn't care, what I had was bought with love, and it was new to me.Even with their crazy work schedules they busted their asses to be at my theater plays, dance tryouts, and everything else.

They couldn't afford to put me in dance as a kid, but they nurtured my love of it and bought me instructional videos, I trained myself in ballet, jazz, tap and anything else I could get my hands on. This is the reason I made drill team in High School, and my mom was right there cheering me on. We are a strong loving family because we had to struggle together. I saw the value in little things like board games together and hot chocolate on the floor in our living room because that kind of thing is far more precious than them buying me designer jeans, shoes, or dresses. We never could afford to take a vacation in the summer. I've never been to Disney World, never had I seen the ocean until I moved to Japan, I went to Six Flags ONCE when I was a young teenager. But they made damn sure that my summers were fun, and spent in the company of friends and family.

When I turned 17 my parents wanted so badly to help me buy a car, but the one I wanted we were half the down payment short. You know what happened then? Josh, My future husband went to his boss and offered to work 12 Thursdays for free to get the other half of that down payment. He then showed up at Schlotzky's where I was working at the time, and folded that money into my hand while I bawled, and the other girls who worked with me swooned and asked me if he had a brother. That's love, the very definition of it. My parents and I then busted our asses paying off that car and I still have it. It's beat up and rough but it's mine and was given in love.

After Josh and I got married (at the JP because we couldn't afford an extravagant wedding like yours or a Honeymoon), and separated from the Air Force, we came home to start over. While we were in Japan my parents moved from the house I grew up in and bought the one in the country on eight acres they have now. I was still mourning because I never got a chance to say goodbye to my old house. It just so happened that when we moved home, it was up for rent. We couldn't really afford it, but Josh took a job that he HATED so that he could put me back in that house for a year to give me peace and closure. We struggled and he wanted us to stay there but the rent was killing us. Still, he gave me a year in that house, and it was priceless to me.
We bonded in ways that most couples don't and I doubt you have even a quarter of that bond with your husbands.

After we left that house, Josh got a new job that he loves and We scraped and lived with some relatives for a year while we saved and renovated the small house we live in now But we realized, we're lucky, we have each other, we have early morning cuddling and kisses, and little feet crawling into our bed to join our cuddlefest. we have Chinese take-out and movie nights snuggled up on the couch and amazing nights spent in the back forty under a blanket on the hood of his truck staring up at the stars, talking until three in the morning and summer nights ankle deep in mud on the four wheeler and the much appreciated night out on the town that doesn't come too often. We have inside jokes, love notes, and the faith in each other that comes with hardships faced and conquered. We may not have a new car every year, or vacations to wherever we want to go.

He wants so much to give me the big wedding we never had, to celebrate with friends and family and then take me away to Hawaii to feel the sun and sand on my bare skin and the warm swell of the ocean on my toes. Not because he wants to impress anyone but because he loves me and seeing me smile. It may always be a dream, but it's OUR dream. However, even if we don't ever get to fulfill it, we'll be just as happy with our quiet life and our beautiful son and we don't need expensive things to make our lives rich and and full. I hope one days these women will realize what's really important. Or one day they will find themselves in the same position we were in, and realize how empty and vapid their lives really are.


Dude, I just had to share this, I am so sad The Tudors is over, so I was going through videos on You Tube. Especially the Henry/Anne ones because let's face it, she was his true love. You only get one person you feel that must passion for in a lifetime, and he killed her like the idiot he was. **Le Sigh** Oh well, Jonathan Rhys Meyers made a SMOKIN Henry the 8th.

This video is ridiculously HOT! I was also really impressed with the editing.

  • Current Music
    Garbage "Number 1 Crush"

Thoughts and Stuff....

I was curled up in my chair writing something completely different today, and while trying to work out the feelings of one of my characters, these thoughts drifted in, and I just had to get them out.

Things I have Discovered about Being a Woman

Your Beauty really DOES lie in the eye of the beholder, and if you're really lucky, that beholder loves you unconditionally, imagined flaws, morning temper, and all.

Fearlessness in most situations is a necessity and will serve you well.

I come from a long line of amazing women, and while we are strong by our very nature, I now know you don't realize the true depth of the strength inside of you until being strong is the only choice you're given. That's when you find faith in yourself again.

I am breakable, but, only to the degree that I ALLOW myself to be broken.

It doesn't matter how old I get, I will always need my mom's love and advice and somedays want to bury my head against my daddy's chest and hide from the world.

There will be days where you just don't enjoy being a mom, and that's ok. There is no shame in feeling overwhelmed or mourning a little for the days when you could wake-up on the weekend with your husband and spend the day in your PJ's being lazy together. You still love your kid and that's all that matters.

When afraid or stressed, we will hide behind a facade of tranquility and do what needs to be done, never allowing it to show so we can protect the ones we love.

If you have a personal grievance with my family or I, I will hear you out, but if you come after my child, I will fiercely protect him, and switftly destroy you.

We love with a fiery passion and hate in equal measures.

We will do many things we never imagined for love, and we will do it happily and without regret.

Sometimes a night around a bonfire with good friends and good beer can heal you.

You will never agree with your In-Laws 100% of the time. You must learn how to say "No." "None of your business.", "I disagree." "Sorry, I can't." and also to take advice with a smile when you really want to throw something across the room. All of this must be done politely and with tact. It's ok if you never get the hang of it completely. Just go home and take a shot. Whiskey is best....

Sometimes you find excitement in the weirdest of places and situations.

Jealousy and self loathing are pointless and a waste of energy.

Sometimes you're other half will surprise you and make you feel beautiful and insanely loved in ways you never thought were possible. Usually when you need it the most.

Sometimes, it's ok the leave the house without make-up, self confidence is all the cosmetic you need.

We are just as capable as men of doing things that most people consider to be purely masculine activities and sometimes, we're better at it.

It's ok to cry, but only in the company of those you can trust. The Shower is the best place if you don't want to be seen or overheard.

Our biggest flaw is forgetting our worth, courage, strength, beauty, and impact. We really do have the power to change things for the better.

Never underestimate the power of a fudge brownie sundae, a cup of good coffee, a favorite T.V. show, and a good friend. They work miracles.
  • Current Music
    Nickelback "How You Remind Me"

Dear Jesse James...

Dear Jesse,

You must be using AXE dark chocolate shower gel, (Although you are obviously not using it on your greasy, much in need of "gray be gone" hair.) Smelling like chocolate is about the only reason I can see for all of these umm "Unique" looking women lining up to rock your jock. (Or maybe that's your appeal, a schlong that would make John Holmes hang his head in shame.) However, unless yours shoots candy or beer.... Axe is the only reason that I can fathom for all of these woman wanting you.

Speaking of women who want you..... YOU'RE MARRIED TO SANDRA FREAKING BULLOCK YOU BLIND, DAFT, MORONIC TWIT! She is the hottest, funniest, sexiest, actress bitch out there, and for some unknown reason of the universe, she agreed to marry you! Dude, if I was hittin that shit my ass would never leave the bedroom, much less would I go out and bang "bombshell women" who look like walking advertisments to wrap your in all probability already herpes infected package at all costs.

So dear Jesse, here is my advice to you, crawl on your hands and knees and beg Sandy's forgiveness, (if this is done correctly, she should have you strapped over a bondage board with a wicked whip adorned with metal hook in hand and a giant butt plug up your ass.)

Go get your nasty package tested for STD's! Pull your greasy head out of your tattooed ass and then maybe take a page out of your WIFE'S book or some shit and learn a little bit of the grace and class you were so obviously born without, and if you think it makes you look better, then stay in your "Sex Addiction" treatment. (Because of course you have a disease... you're not just a horny egotist who can't keep his dick out of everything wearing a skirt.)

Do these things, and MAYBE people will regain some shred of respect for the decently creative mechanic you are. Although it's highly doubtful.

The Girl who is proud she
was not one of your tattooed conquests,
  • Current Music
    HIM "Right Here In My Arms"